Carl von Linné: The Man, The Myth, The Beard

Carl von Linné, also known as Carolus Linnaeus, was a Swedish botanist, zoologist, and taxonomist. He is renowned for his work in categorizing and naming organisms, and for his impressively bushy beard.

Born on May 23, 1707, in the small Swedish village of Råshult, Linné was an adventurous and curious child. Legend has it that he was born with a magnifying glass in one hand and a plant guide in the other. By the age of 5, he had already memorized the Latin names of all the plants and animals in his backyard.

Linné’s love for taxonomy began in his teenage years, when he was tasked with organizing his grandpa’s massive collection of toenail clippings. He quickly realized that the world needed a better system for classifying and naming things, and set out to create one himself.

In 1735, Linné published his groundbreaking work, Systema Naturae, in which he introduced a hierarchical system for classifying living organisms. This system, which is still used today, categorizes organisms based on their physical characteristics, and assigns them a two-part Latin name (e.g. Homo sapiens for humans).

But let’s be real, Linné’s greatest contribution to science was his beard. It was a glorious thing to behold - a thick, luscious mane that would make even Santa Claus jealous. Rumor has it that he used to hide snacks in there, and would occasionally find a stray bird nesting among the curls.

Sadly, Linné’s magnificent beard was also his undoing. In 1778, while out for a walk in the Swedish countryside, a gust of wind blew his beard into his face, causing him to trip and fall down a hill. He sustained several injuries, and died a few days later.

Today, Carl von Linné is remembered as a genius of taxonomy, and as a man who knew how to rock a killer beard. His legacy lives on in the millions of organisms he named and classified, and in the hearts of beard enthusiasts everywhere.