Geoffrey “The Chaunce” Chaucer
Geoffrey Chaucer, also known as “The Chaunce”, was an English poet and author who lived during the 14th century. He is best known for his works “The Canterbury Tales” and “Troilus and Criseyde”, but what many people don’t know is that he was also a master of roasting his friends.
Chaucer was born in London in the 1340s, back when people still used quills and parchment instead of iPhones and Twitter. He worked as a civil servant and diplomat for much of his life, but his true passion was writing literary smackdowns.
His most famous piece of work, “The Canterbury Tales”, is essentially a collection of medieval diss tracks inspired by his travels to Canterbury. Chaucer used this pilgrimage as an opportunity to make fun of his fellow travelers, writing savage burns about their appearances, habits, and morals.
Some examples of Chaucer’s sick burns include:
“Her gapped teeth shone as bright as the sun, and her breath smelled like a sewer. I wouldn’t kiss her if she was the last woman on earth.” (From “The Wife of Bath’s Tale”)
“His nose was so big, it looked like he was smuggling a melon under it. And let’s not even get started on his fashion sense.” (From “The Miller’s Tale”)
“He was so vain, he spent all his time checking his reflection in the nearest puddle. I bet he even brushes his horse’s mane more than his own.” (From “The Knight’s Tale”)
Chaucer also wrote a love story called “Troilus and Criseyde” which features some of the cheesiest pickup lines in literature. Here’s a line from Troilus to his love interest Criseyde: “For truly, fair, the sight of you is blis / and in my guiltless hunger is my bote.” Translation: “You make me happy and I want to smooch you.”
Geoffrey “The Chaunce” Chaucer may have lived over 600 years ago, but his wit and humor still hold up today. So the next time you want to roast someone online, remember to tip your quill to the master of medieval smackdowns.