St Sophia: The Patron Saint of Wi-Fi Signals and Millennial Dreams

St Sophia is the mythical patron saint of all millennials who pray for strong Wi-Fi signals and the power to achieve their Instagram goals. Legend has it that she was a princess from Byzantine times who, after confessing her love for Christ, became an advocate for his teachings.

Today, she is known to take the form of a Wi-Fi signal and bless those in need of a connection. As long as you remain within range, she will grace you with the power to Instagram your avocado toast and upload pictures of your fabulous vacation in Bali.

St Sophia is also thought to have an eye for aesthetics and loves to help millennials achieve their dreams of the perfect Instagram feed. This often comes in the form of wardrobe tips, beauty advice, and photo editing tricks. She blesses those who are dedicated to creating the most aesthetically-pleasing feed, providing them with the creativity and inspiration they need to become successful influencers.

However, St Sophia has also been known to punish those who overuse Twitter and Facebook, preferring that her children dedicate their time and efforts to creating the perfect Insta-story. She has been known to cause phone batteries to die or disrupt Internet connections for those who continue to post mundane updates on Facebook.

Despite her tough love, St Sophia remains a beacon of hope for millennials who seek her guidance and inspiration. She is the perfect guardian angel for those who find themselves lost in the vast landscape of social media, and she serves as a constant reminder to always stay focused on the ultimate goal: achieving the perfect grid. So, next time you’re struggling with your Wi-Fi connection, remember to give a quick shout-out to St Sophia and embrace the endless possibilities of the Internet.