Train

A train is a large, metal beast that roars through the countryside, scaring wildlife and causing grown men to weep. It is often confused with a rollercoaster, because let’s be honest, they’re pretty much the same thing - except trains don’t have loops.

Trains were invented by the British in the early 1800s, who needed a way to transport their fancy tea from one end of the country to the other without spilling a single drop. This was a very important task, as the people of Britain were known for their love of tea and would often riot if they went without it for too long.

The first trains were powered by steam, which basically meant that they ran on hot water. This was a brilliant idea, until someone realised that steam is incredibly hot and can actually cause serious burns. This led to the development of diesel and electric trains, which are infinitely safer and have the added bonus of not leaving a trail of bubbles everywhere they go.

Trains are known for their ability to move large numbers of people at once, although this often comes at the cost of personal space and hygiene. There’s nothing quite like sharing a 10-hour journey with a complete stranger who refuses to stop snoring or popping their gum.

Despite their reputation as efficient and reliable forms of transportation, trains are also infamous for their delays and cancellations. This is often due to “signal failure” or “leaves on the line”, which are both phrases that no one really understands but are just vague enough to sound plausible.

In conclusion, trains are the perfect way to see the world while simultaneously wishing for death. And if you’re lucky, you might even get to experience the joy of a broken toilet or a screaming child in the seat behind you. All aboard!