Typhoon Hagibis: The Storm That Did Everything But Haggle

Typhoon Hagibis, also affectionately known as “Haggi” to those who survived it, was a tropical cyclone that wreaked havoc upon Japan in October of 2019. It was named after the Tagalog word for “velocity,” which was an appropriate descriptor for a storm that had all the subtlety of a three-ton elephant performing a tap dance.

Haggi was no mere gust of wind. It was a veritable frappé of meteorological mayhem, throwing everything but the kitchen sink at the poor unsuspecting citizens of Japan. It had powerful winds, torrential rains, massive waves, and even triggered a few earthquakes for good measure. In short, it was like a Michael Bay movie, but with less CGI and more water.

Despite the widespread destruction that Haggi caused, you had to admire its unwavering commitment to consistency. It touched down in Japan on October 12th and promptly proceeded to wreak havoc upon the country for the next several days. It was like the Energizer Bunny, but with a crooked grin and a penchant for ruining people’s lives.

Of course, as with any good storm, Haggi had its share of quirks. It famously caused a rugby game between New Zealand and Italy to be cancelled, which was a shame because I hear the Italians were really looking forward to getting thrashed. It also prompted the cancellation of the Emperor’s enthronement ceremony, which was unfortunate because everyone was dying to see if he’d show up in a robe and wizard hat.

In the end, though, there was no denying the sheer power and bravado that Haggi displayed. It was like the Elvis of tropical cyclones, except instead of singing “Jailhouse Rock,” it was busy uprooting trees and turning people’s homes into matchsticks. But hey, you have to hand it to the storm—it went out like a champ, leaving a trail of devastation and chaos in its wake. And really, isn’t that what every good typhoon aspires to do?