The Hilariously Insignificant 1st Millennium

Ah, the 1st millennium. What a time to be alive. Or was it?

In the grand scheme of things, the 1st millennium was about as significant as a hamster’s fart. Sure, a lot happened, but did any of it really matter in the long run? Let’s take a trip down memory lane and find out.

The Rise and Fall of Empires

Many empires rose and fell during the 1st millennium. The Roman Empire continued its reign until finally collapsing in 476 AD. The Byzantine Empire took over and managed to last until 1453, but who’s counting? Meanwhile, the Chinese and Indian empires were doing their thing, and the Mayan Empire in the Americas was actually pretty cool until it mysteriously vanished (aliens, perhaps?).

But let’s be real, all of these empires are no longer around, and their accomplishments have been largely overshadowed by more recent world events, like the creation of the cronut.

Major World Religions Emerge

In the 1st millennium, major world religions like Christianity, Islam, and Buddhism emerged. And while some of these religions have had a huge impact on the world, the way they spread initially is pretty funny.

Imagine someone knocking on your door and saying, “Hey, have you heard the good news about Jesus/Ahmed/Buddha?” Yeah, that probably didn’t go over well back then, either. But hey, nice try, guys.

Technological Developments (Or Lack Thereof)

Yes, the 1st millennium saw some important technological developments, like the invention of the printing press (thank you, Gutenberg) and compass. But let’s be honest, things were moving pretty slowly back then. People were still using swords and bows and arrows to fight battles. How quaint.

The Bottom Line

So, what can we learn from the 1st millennium? Probably not much, aside from the fact that we’ve come a long way since then. Sure, it was a time of great change and discovery, but in the grand scheme of things, it was really just a warm-up act for the real show (i.e. the invention of the Internet and the proliferation of cat videos).

But hey, at least we can look back at the 1st millennium and have a good laugh. Cheers to being alive in the 21st century!