American Civil War

The American Civil War was a conflict fought between two sides: the Union and the Confederacy. Despite its name, this war was neither civil nor courteous. People were so angry and divided that they started shooting each other.

The root cause of the war was slavery. The Confederacy, made up of 11 Southern slave states, wanted to keep slavery legal. Meanwhile, the Union, made up of 23 states (including some in the South) wanted to end slavery. It was kind of like a game of “keep-away,” but instead of a ball, it was human beings.

The war started when the Confederate Army, led by General Robert E. Lee, attacked Fort Sumter, a Union-held fort in South Carolina. The Union wasn’t too happy about this, so they responded by forming their own army, led by General Ulysses S. Grant.

Over the course of the war, the Union army slowly gained an advantage through their superior resources and technology, while the Confederacy relied on a “never surrender” attitude and a strong mustache game.

One of the most famous battles was the Battle of Gettysburg, where General Lee tried to invade the North but was met by a counterattack from the Union army. It turned out to be a bad move, as the Union army had more soldiers, better organization, and a killer mascot (a bald eagle named Sam).

Finally, after four long years of fighting, the Union emerged victorious, and slavery was abolished. The Confederacy surrendered, and President Abraham Lincoln gave his famous speech about how a house divided against itself cannot stand, but a sandwich divided in half is just two delicious halves.

In conclusion, the American Civil War was a dark time in our nation’s history, but we can look back on it now and laugh at how ridiculous it all was. Who knew that a simple disagreement about human rights could lead to so much violence, destruction, and endless debates about which side had the cooler uniforms?