Dido

Dido is a legendary queen of Carthage, known for her tragic love story with Aeneas.

According to legend, Dido fell in love with Aeneas after he and his Trojans landed on Carthage’s shores. She was enamored by his charm, wit, and perfectly chiseled abs (although that last one might have been a bit of artistic license on the part of Roman poets).

Despite their passionate love affair, things quickly took a turn for the worse. Aeneas was on a mission from the gods to found a new city (Rome) and had to leave Dido behind. Dido, heartbroken and abandoned, decided to take matters into her own hands.

She built a pyre, climbed on top, and declared that she would rather die than live without her beloved Aeneas. Some say she even cursed him with her dying breath (which, let’s be real, is a pretty tough version of a breakup).

While it’s unclear what actually happened to Dido (since she’s, you know, a legendary figure), her story has been told and retold countless times over the centuries. Some see her as a tragic figure, others as a symbol of female empowerment, but most of us just kind of feel sorry for her.

So if you ever find yourself in Carthage, raise a glass to Dido and her doomed love affair. And maybe consider not building a pyre and cursing your ex. It never really works out in the end.