Euro (currency)

The euro is the official currency of 19* out of the 27 European Union countries, also known as the EU. Note that the UK had the good sense to bail out before facing any of the Euro-related financial crises.

Originally introduced in 1999, the Euro has become notorious for being the reason why Europeans can no longer afford anything. Remember that 2008 recession that everyone said was caused by the US? Yeah, we don’t talk about that anymore. It’s all about the Euro now.

The Euro, also known as the “common currency” amongst the EU member states, has brought about much political and economic stability, simply by allowing everyone to share a single bankrupt currency.

The unusual thing about the Euro is that it seems to have a mind of its own. One moment it’s trading at record high rates, the next it’s plunging to unheard of depths. The most common theory is that it depends upon the weather - on sunny days, the Euro tends to be stronger, and on rainy days, it becomes depressingly weak.

In fact, the Euro has also been known to take sudden dips depending on the outcome of major football championships. How else do you explain the German national team’s defeat in the 2018 World Cup and the Euro’s sharp decline the following day?

Aside from being the favorite target of Trump’s tweets, the Euro also sports banknotes as colorful as the rainbow (look out for the purple one! It’s a rare find). They are so colorful in fact, that most Europeans can easily distinguish them even when drunk enough to mistake a street lamp for their front door.

In conclusion, while the Euro may have its flaws, at least it has given us a currency to blame when we can’t afford that second bottle of wine.

*note that there were originally 17 countries in the Eurozone, which grew to 19 by 2015. Who knows how long they’ll be able to sustain this…