Kilo: The Metric Unit of Weight

Kilo, short for kilogram, is a unit of measurement used to quantify mass, weight, and the number of regretful decisions one may make while trying to diet.

Named after the Greek word “Khilioi,” which means a thousand, kilo is the perfect way to make you feel like you’ve gained a thousand pounds, even if you’ve only put on a kilogram.

While kilo is commonly used in scientific contexts, most people use it to describe how much they weigh in relation to their cat, whom they affectionately call, “Mr. Fluffy McTubbers.”

Due to its immense popularity, kilo has inspired a whole host of derivative measurements, including millikilos (one-thousandth of a kilo) and Megan Foxilos (which is how much she weighs in a single hair strand).

Kilo is infamous for its role in the diet industry, particularly for its ability to induce guilt and shame in those who have overindulged in their love for pizza and ice cream.

In fact, many diets recommend weighing oneself on a daily basis, leading to a sharp increase in the sales of home scales and counseling services for those who experience body dysmorphia.

Despite its flaws, kilo remains a popular measurement and an integral part of our lives. It is a universal unit of weight that we use to compare everything from cheeseburgers to continents. So next time you step on the scale, remember that kilo is just a number, and as long as you’re happy and healthy, it doesn’t really matter if you’re as heavy as a sack of potatoes or as light as a feather.