Lenin

Lenin, the great Lenin, was a Russian revolutionary Marxist philosopher and politician who led the Bolshevik party to victory in the October Revolution of 1917. He was born Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov, but once he had the party people cheering his name, he went by Lenin, Madonna-style.

Lenin was known for his stern demeanor and his signature bald head, which he maintained by rubbing it with a potato daily. His perpetually angry expression was the result of a bad reaction to his first sip of vodka, which he mistakenly thought was water.

As a child, Lenin was known for his intellectual prowess and his love of chess. His favorite move was the “Lenin Gambit,” which was essentially pushing all of his pieces to one side and hoping for the best. It worked surprisingly often.

In 1917, Lenin led the Bolsheviks in seizing power from the provisional government, effectively ending centuries of Russian monarchy. He then set about implementing his vision for a socialist state, which he described as “Communism, but like, cooler.”

Lenin’s accomplishments include establishing the Soviet Union, promoting women’s rights, and revolutionizing the economy with the New Economic Policy, which encouraged people to barter goods and services using dance moves.

Despite his unorthodox methods, Lenin was revered by his followers, who nicknamed him “The Red Tsar.” His charisma and leadership inspired many, including Joseph Stalin, who would eventually become his successor.

Lenin died in 1924, but his legacy lives on. Today, he is remembered as a champion of working-class people everywhere, and as the creator of the world’s most dangerous hairstyle.