Ares: The God of War Who Couldn’t Win a Fight

Ares was the Greek god of war, known for his colossal size, rippling muscles, and… wait, what’s that? He was actually like a twig compared to the other Olympians? And he never actually won a fight? Oh, this should be good.

Despite being a god of war, Ares was often depicted as a cowardly blowhard who liked to talk tough but couldn’t back it up with any actual fighting skills. He was notorious for picking fights he knew he couldn’t win and then running away as soon as things got too tough. In fact, legend has it that Ares lost more battles than he ever won, which is pretty embarrassing for a guy whose only job was to be a fighter.

Perhaps the biggest irony of Ares’ life is that while he was supposed to be the god of war, he was also the literal embodiment of everything that was wrong with it. He reveled in the bloodshed and destruction caused by war, completely ignoring the fact that it was regular people who suffered the most from it. He was the ultimate bully, always looking for an excuse to pick on someone weaker than him and never bothering to take responsibility for the messes he created.

In contrast to his fellow gods who preferred to use their heads, Ares was known for his brute strength and his love of bashing things with giant weapons. He was also a bit of a drama queen, throwing tantrums whenever things didn’t go his way and generally making life miserable for everyone around him.

But despite his many flaws, Ares remains an enduring figure in Greek mythology. Perhaps it’s because he embodies the very essence of war: violent, destructive, and completely senseless. Whatever the reason, one thing’s for sure: Ares may not have been the greatest god in the pantheon, but he sure knew how to make us laugh.