Ben-Hur (1959 Movie)

The epic tale of a man who wouldn’t let a little thing like slavery get him down

Introduction Prepare yourself for the ultimate story of heroism, heartache, and horses. That’s right, in this article we’re going to take a closer look at the 1959 classic “Ben-Hur”. And by “closer look” we mean “we’re going to make fun of it a lot”. So hold onto your chariots, because it’s about to get bumpy.

Plot “Ben-Hur” tells the story of Judah Ben-Hur, a wealthy prince who is betrayed by his best friend and sold into slavery. Because, you know, that’s just how real life usually goes. Not one to let a little thing like losing his freedom get him down, Judah eventually finds his way back home, and when he does, he decides that the best way to get revenge is to participate in some really intense chariot races. Hey, we never said the guy was a genius.

Along the way, he meets a guy named Jesus who is all about peace, love, and forgiveness. Unfortunately, in this story, Jesus doesn’t really do much except give some speeches and get crucified. Yeah, they kind of gloss over that part.

Characters Let’s take a closer look at some of the main players in this epic tale:

• Judah Ben-Hur - a noble prince who gets screwed over by his friend and then spends the rest of the movie showing off his amazing abs.
• Messala - Judah’s ex-best friend who becomes a Roman soldier and wears some seriously questionable hairstyles.
• Tirzah - Judah’s sister. She doesn’t have much to do, except get leprosy and then get cured by Jesus. Not a bad gig, really.
• Pontius Pilate - the governor of Judea, who pretty much just wanders around looking confused and occasionally yelling at people.
• Esther - Judah’s love interest, who is basically there to give him a reason to live. Or something. Honestly, we’re not really sure.

Fun Facts Here are some things you might not have known about “Ben-Hur”:

• The chariot race scene took five weeks to shoot, and involved over 15,000 extras, 200 horses, and a ton of fake blood. It was basically the “Game of Thrones” of its time.
• The film had a budget of $15 million, which was huge for the time. To put that in perspective, that’s about the same as the budget for “Avengers: Endgame”.
• Charlton Heston, who played Judah, reportedly ate the same meal every day during filming: a steak, a plain baked potato, and a salad. Yawn.
• The film won a record-breaking 11 Oscars, including Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Supporting Actor. We’re not saying it didn’t deserve those awards, but come on, did they even see “Anatomy of a Murder”?

Conclusion “Ben-Hur” is a classic that will always hold a special place in our hearts. And by “special place” we mean “we’ll always make fun of it”. But hey, that doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate the epic scope and grandeur of the film. Just don’t make us watch it again, okay?