Dodge: The Art of Avoidance

Dodge is a time-honored human tradition of avoiding awkward encounters, unwanted conversations, and responsibilities. Unlike its close cousin “dip,” which involves fleeing at the first sign of trouble, dodge requires more finesse, grace, and humor.

Origins

The word “dodge” comes from the Old English word “dugan,” which means “to avoid” or “to duck.” The concept of dodge likely dates back to the earliest human societies, when people realized that sometimes it’s better to steer clear of certain individuals or situations.

Throughout history, people have come up with various dodge techniques, from pretending to be sick to faking their own death. Some cultures even developed elaborate dance moves and hand gestures to dodge unwanted advances and conversations.

Types of Dodge

Dodge can take many forms, depending on the situation and the person involved. Here are some common types of dodge:

The Compliment Dodge

This involves deflecting a compliment or praise by humorously downplaying your accomplishments or attributing them to luck or other people. For example:

Person A: “Wow, you’re amazing at singing!”

Person B: “Oh, it’s nothing, I just got lucky with good genes and a supportive showerhead.”

The Misunderstanding Dodge

This involves pretending not to understand what the other person is saying, in order to avoid a difficult or uncomfortable conversation. This works best if you can keep a straight face and act convincingly confused. For example:

Person A: “I think we need to talk about our relationship.”

Person B: “Sorry, I don’t speak Klingon.”

The Interruption Dodge

This involves cutting someone off mid-sentence or mid-conversation, in order to change the subject or escape. This requires good timing and a bit of tact, so as not to appear rude or abrupt. For example:

Person A: “So, have you given any thought to that job offer I told you about?”

Person B: “Speaking of job offers, did you hear that NASA is hiring astronauts?”

Famous Dodgers

Throughout history, there have been many notable dodgers, from politicians to celebrities to ordinary people. Some of the most famous include:

John F. Kennedy

The former US president was known for his charm and wit, which he often used to dodge difficult questions or controversy. He once famously quipped: “There are three things which are real: God, human folly, and laughter. The first two are beyond our comprehension, so we must do what we can with the third.”

Groucho Marx

The legendary comedian and actor was a master of the quip and the verbal jab, which he used to dodge unwanted attention or inquiries. He once famously said: “I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.”

Your Aunt Marge

Nobody knows how she does it, but your Aunt Marge has managed to dodge every family gathering, wedding, and funeral for the past decade. Rumor has it she’s living on a tropical island with her pet turtle and a bunch of beaded necklaces.

Conclusion

Dodge may not be a noble or productive activity, but it can certainly save you from a lot of awkwardness and stress. Whether you’re at a party, a job interview, or a family reunion, mastering the art of dodge can help you navigate tricky situations with humor, grace, and maybe even a bit of style. So the next time you feel cornered or uncomfortable, remember the ancient art of dodge, and run like hell.