James “The Great Navigator” Cook

James Cook was an 18th century British explorer, navigator, and the man responsible for introducing the British to the concept of “sunburn”. Born in 1728 in Yorkshire, England, Cook rose to fame by sailing around the world and getting lost more times than he could count.

Cook first joined the Navy in 1755 and quickly rose through the ranks thanks to his impeccable sense of direction—an ability that he demonstrated by single-handedly sailing his ship in circles for hours on end. In 1768, Cook was awarded the task of leading an expedition to the South Pacific, where he spent months mapping the region, discovering new lands, and occasionally enraging locals by refusing to stop asking for directions.

Despite his many accomplishments, Cook’s most enduring legacy was the introduction of the British to the concept of “sunburn”. During his travels, Cook and his crew spent long hours under the blazing sun, mindlessly frying their pasty white skin until it resembled overripe tomatoes. In fact, it’s rumored that Cook once tried to convince a group of Maori warriors that he was actually an English lobster who had been tragically lost at sea.

In the end, Cook met his untimely demise in 1779 when he was killed in a dispute with local Hawaiians. Some say he was trying to explain to them the benefits of sunscreen, but alas, the message was lost in translation. Nevertheless, Cook remains an icon of British exploration, navigational prowess, and really bad sunburns.