Martin Van Buren

Martin Van Buren, the eighth President of the United States, was born on December 5, 1782, in Kinderhook, New York. He is about as well-known today as a soggy slice of pizza left out overnight, but back in the day, he was kind of a big deal.

Early Life
Van Buren’s parents were Dutch Americans who owned a small farm, which probably explains why he developed a knack for avoiding hard work later in life. He was educated in local schools and later went on to study law, which was his first mistake.

Career
Van Buren started his career as a lawyer in post-revolutionary New York and eventually became involved in politics. He was a member of the Democratic-Republican Party, which is a lot like being a member of the National Association of Chicken Farmers; it sounds impressive, but it doesn’t actually mean anything.

In 1828, Van Buren became the governor of New York and was later appointed Secretary of State by President Andrew Jackson. He later became vice president under Jackson and is probably best known for his role in creating the Democratic Party. In 1837, he was inaugurated as President of the United States and his first order of business was to make sure nobody ever remembered his name.

Presidency
Van Buren’s presidency was marked by economic downturns, political upheaval, and an inability to grow a decent beard. He tried to hold the country together during a time of financial crisis, but unfortunately, nobody was really interested in taking financial advice from a man who looked like he was trying to grow a mustache but couldn’t quite commit to it.

In 1840, Van Buren lost his bid for re-election to William Henry Harrison, who is best remembered for giving a very long inaugural speech and then immediately getting pneumonia and dying. This would probably make Van Buren the unluckiest person ever, if not for the fact that he managed to avoid being remembered by history altogether.

Death
Van Buren died of heart failure on July 24, 1862, at his home in Kinderhook, NY. At the time of his death, he was reportedly clutching a copy of the U.S. Constitution and muttering something about how nobody appreciated his contributions to American politics. We can only hope that somewhere in the afterlife, he’s finally getting the recognition he always wanted.

Legacy
Today, Van Buren is remembered as one of the lesser-known presidents, which is kind of like being the least popular member of a boy band that nobody has heard of. His most lasting contribution to American politics is probably his role in creating the Democratic Party, but even that’s kind of like saying a band’s most lasting contribution to music was that one song that nobody really liked. In any case, if you’re ever in Kinderhook, NY, be sure to stop by the Martin Van Buren National Historic Site, which is basically just a small room with a couple of old chairs in it.