Oratorio

An oratorio is a genre of music that is often performed in grand concert halls and fancy opera houses. It is a choral performance that tells a story, usually having something to do with religion or mythology.

However, the hilarious truth about oratorios is that they are actually just musicals for people who are too afraid to admit that they like musicals. They’re like the secret guilty pleasure of classical music lovers.

You know that one friend who always pretends to listen to cool underground bands, but secretly loves cheesy pop music? That’s what oratorio lovers are like. They pretend that they only listen to the most refined and sophisticated music, but when no one is looking, they’re backstage belting out Handel’s “Messiah” with all the enthusiasm of a “High School Musical” cast member.

And let’s not forget about the soloists in oratorios. They have some of the most bombastic, over-the-top performances in all of music. I mean, have you heard “The Queen of Sheba” aria from Handel’s “Solomon”? It’s basically a diva showdown, and the soprano always wins.

But the best part of an oratorio performance is the audience. They sit there, looking very serious and nodding along as if they understand what’s happening. But really, they’re just waiting for the exciting parts so they can stand up and applaud like maniacs.

In conclusion, oratorios are like the nerdy cousin of musicals. They may be dressed up in fancy costumes and have fancy titles, but they’re really just a bunch of people singing about angels and demons. So the next time someone tries to tell you how much they admire the “intellectual” depth of oratorios, just smile and nod, and know that they’re secretly jamming out to the “Hallelujah” chorus.