Prehistoric Humans

Prehistoric humans were a species of upright-walking primates that existed before the invention of smartphones, the internet, and Netflix. They roamed the Earth in nomadic bands, hunting and gathering their food, and scratching their heads in confusion whenever they encountered anything that wasn’t nailed down.

These primitive people were characterized by their hairy bodies, prominent brows, and impressive ability to grunt and shrug. They communicated with each other through a complex system of hand gestures, facial expressions, and cave paintings, which were their version of emojis.

Despite their lack of advanced technology, prehistoric humans were capable of creating complex tools and weapons, such as spears, knives, and flint stones. They also had a keen sense of humor, as evidenced by their cave paintings, which often featured crude caricatures of animals and stick figures with exaggerated private parts.

These early humans had a fairly egalitarian society, with both men and women playing important roles in the group. Women were responsible for gathering plants and berries, while men went out and hunted for meat, often returning with stories of how they narrowly avoided getting trampled by a woolly mammoth or mauled by a saber-toothed tiger.

One of the most curious things about prehistoric humans was their fascination with fire. They would gather around a blazing campfire, telling stories and roasting marshmallows (or whatever the prehistoric equivalent of marshmallows was). They also used fire to scare away predators and cook their food, although accidents were not uncommon, and many prehistoric humans ended up with singed hair and burnt fingers.

Eventually, prehistoric humans evolved into more advanced species, such as Neanderthals and Cro-Magnons. They developed language, agriculture, and trade, and ultimately gave rise to modern humans, who now spend their days staring at screens and ordering food delivery.

Despite their primitive ways, prehistoric humans left an indelible mark on history, and their legacy lives on in the form of museums, archaeological sites, and Flintstones reruns. So let’s all raise a glass of fermented mammoth milk to our ancestors, the prehistoric humans, who may have been crude and uncivilized, but at least they didn’t have to deal with Twitter trolls or gluten intolerance.