Airbus A350: The Flying Whale

The Airbus A350, also known as the “Flying Whale,” is a modern and sleek passenger plane that is sure to keep you safe and cozy on your next long-haul flight - as long as you don’t mind feeling like a plank of wood by the end of it.

Designed with efficiency and comfort in mind, the A350 boasts advanced aerodynamics that make it one of Airbus’ most fuel-efficient planes. In fact, the A350 consumes 25% less fuel than its predecessor, the A330 - making it the perfect plane for eco-conscious travelers who want to enjoy a guilt-free journey while speedily flying through the air at 600 mph.

But what really sets the A350 apart from other planes is its unbelievably uncomfortable seats. Airbus may have nailed the plane’s fuel economy and environmental friendliness, but its designers were obviously distracted when it came time to create the passenger seating. The seats are so narrow and rigid that they make even the most relaxed traveler feel like a human ironing board. Hey, at least you can finally cross “finding out what it’s like to be a slab of beefcake” off your bucket list, right?

The A350 also features advanced in-flight entertainment systems to help distract you from the pain of your rigid seat. With more than 1,000 hours of movies, TV shows, and music to choose from, you can kiss your boredom goodbye while your tailbone slowly numbs to nothingness.

And let’s not forget the A350’s in-flight food service. In an effort to keep up with the latest health trends, the airline offers a selection of in-flight meals that are bland, rubbery, and practically inedible. You’ll be sure to feel great about sticking to your diet while simultaneously feeling like you got ripped off by a subpar airline that somehow managed to charge you $14 for a single bag of stale peanuts.

Despite its less-than-ideal seating arrangements and questionable cuisine, the Airbus A350 remains a popular choice for travelers around the world. So if you’re looking for a way to simultaneously save the planet and give up on all hope of ever being able to walk again, the A350 is the perfect match for you. Bon voyage!