Bloomington, Minnesota: The Land of 10,000 Shopping Malls

Welcome to Bloomington, Minnesota - the shopping capital of the world! This bustling metropolis is located in the heart of the Land of 10,000 Lakes, but let’s be honest, nobody comes here for the lakes. They come for the malls. Oh, the malls!

First off, let’s talk about the infamous Mall of America. This gargantuan retail mecca boasts over 500 stores, movie theaters, an aquarium, a theme park, and enough restaurants to fill a small country. In fact, it’s so massive that some people have reported getting lost for days, subsisting only on Auntie Anne’s pretzels and Sbarro pizza. But hey, at least they were indoors, right?

But wait, there’s more! Bloomington is also home to Southdale Center, the first enclosed mall in America. You heard that right, folks. Bloomington is responsible for the mall-pocalypse that has since engulfed the nation. Southdale may not have an amusement park inside, but it does have a Santaland at Christmas time, so who’s really winning here?

And let’s not forget about the other shopping centers in the area. We’ve got Eden Prairie Center, the Galleria, and the Shoppes at Arbor Lakes, just to name a few. Need some new clothes? Bloomington’s got you covered. Need a new kitchen gadget? No problem. Need to escape your existential dread by purchasing meaningless material possessions? Hell yeah, Bloomington’s got your back.

Now, some may argue that all these malls are a bit excessive. But to those naysayers, we say, have you tried walking outside in Minnesota in January? Yeah. Didn’t think so. Plus, where else can you ride a rollercoaster, pet a stingray, and eat a Cinnabon all in the same day? The answer is nowhere, people. Nowhere.

So come on down to Bloomington, where the shopping never stops and the winters are cold enough to make you forget about your rapidly dwindling bank account. You won’t regret it. Or maybe you will, but at least you’ll have some sweet new kicks to show for it.