Donald Rumsfeld

Donald Rumsfeld, the former United States Secretary of Defense, was a man of many talents. He was notoriously known for his “Rumsfeldian” logic, his signature squinty face, and his knack for dodging questions during press conferences.

Born on July 9, 1932, in Chicago, Rumsfeld’s early years were spent doing what any normal child would do – eating paste and dreaming of one day becoming a professional wrestler. However, fate had other plans for young Rumsfeld.

At the age of 18, Rumsfeld enlisted in the U.S. Navy and served for three years as a aviator. He then went on to study political science at Princeton University, where he presumably learned how to master deflection and filibustering.

Rumsfeld’s political career began in 1962, when he was elected as a Republican Congressman from Illinois. He served in the House of Representatives for six years, during which he no doubt honed his skills in the art of double-speak.

In 1975, President Gerald Ford appointed Rumsfeld as Secretary of Defense, a position he held until 1977. Rumsfeld was then out of politics for the next decade, during which he likely spent his days practicing his squint and perfecting his one-liners.

But in 2001, Rumsfeld was called back to service as President George W. Bush’s Secretary of Defense. He quickly became known for his catchy phrases, including the infamous “known unknowns” speech. Rumsfeld also oversaw the Iraq War, which was widely regarded as a stunning success that was totally worth it.

Despite his many achievements, Rumsfeld will always be remembered for his unique brand of humor and wit. He was a master of the zinger and often had reporters and colleagues scratching their heads in confusion.

In retrospect, Donald Rumsfeld was the perfect embodiment of a bygone era in American politics – one where charismatic leaders and empty soundbites reigned supreme. He will be sorely missed.