Mother

Definition:

A biological creature (usually human, but not always) who spends about 9 months creating and nurturing life inside their body, only to spend the rest of their lives nurturing and occasionally embarrassing said life outside of their body.

Etymology:

Derived from the Old English word mōdor, meaning “person who knows the answer to every question, no matter how irrelevant.”

Characteristics:

Mothers come in all shapes and sizes, but are typically known for their ability to hear their child misbehave from a mile away and their unparalleled talent for making a Pinterest-worthy meal out of whatever is currently in the fridge. They are often found multitasking, with one hand holding a baby and the other frantically typing on their phone to schedule playdates.

Habitat:

Mothers can be found all over the world, in every nook and cranny of society. They can be spotted in grocery stores, schools, parks, and online mom groups. They are often found in their natural habitat of minivans, shuttling children to and from various activities while simultaneously refereeing sibling arguments.

Behavior:

Motherly behavior is characterized by excessive worrying, loud cheering at children’s sporting events, and the instinct to always have a tissue or snack on hand. They have a unique talent for embarrassing their offspring, often with their dance moves or their choice of clothing. Mothers are also known for their ability to give unsolicited advice, whether it be about potty training or relationships, and their innate skill for making their children feel guilty for not calling enough.

Fun facts:

• Mothers have the superhuman ability to function on little to no sleep.
• They are the only creature on earth who can instinctively tell when you’re lying, even over the phone.
• Mothers have been known to sacrifice their own personal style for the sake of their children’s fashion choices.
• They have an uncanny ability to sense danger before it happens, a trait sometimes referred to as “mom radar”.
• Many a mom has been known to indulge in “mommy juice” (aka wine) after a particularly long day of parenting.

In conclusion, the mother is a fascinating creature, with a unique set of skills and quirks that set her apart from all other creatures. While sometimes misunderstood and occasionally overbearing, she is a force to be reckoned with in the world of parenting and should be celebrated for all that she does.