Seven Wonders of the Ancient World: A Hilarious Guide
When it comes to historical marvels, the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World still hold a special place in the hearts of many. These structures are not just a testament to the architectural prowess of our ancestors, but also provide us with a glimpse into their daily lives and beliefs.
However, we all know that history can be pretty dry, and even the Seven Wonders can get a little boring at times. So, in the spirit of livening things up a bit, we present to you the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, hilariously explained:
The Great Pyramid of Giza
This impressive structure took over 20 years to build, using over 2 million stone blocks weighing an average of two and a half tons each. But wait, there’s more! It’s also the oldest of the Seven Wonders, dating back to 2560 BC. We’re pretty sure the builders won an award for “most patient people of all time.”
The Hanging Gardens of Babylon
If you’re ever feeling down about your gardening skills, just remember that the Hanging Gardens of Babylon were considered a wonder of the world. The gardens featured exotic plants and impressive terraces, and were apparently so well designed that they looked like they were “hanging” from the sky. Whether or not they actually existed is still a mystery, though, so perhaps it’s best to stick with your trusty succulent garden.
The Statue of Zeus at Olympia
The Greeks loved their gods and they loved their statues. And what’s better than a life-size statue of the king of the gods, Zeus, made from ivory and gold? A life-size statue of the king of the gods throwing a lightning bolt, that’s what. We can only imagine the local legend who requested this masterpiece saying, “I want a statue so cool that the gods will be jealous.”
The Temple of Artemis at Ephesus
Now, this temple was a real showstopper. It was so grand that it boasted 127 columns, each over 60 feet tall. No doubt worshippers felt way more awe-inspired with the columns towering above them than they did by the actual goddess the temple was dedicated to.
The Mausoleum at Halicarnassus
This tomb must have been quite something, as it was built for a queen in memory of her husband. It was so ornate that it became the inspiration for the term “mausoleum,” meaning a grand tomb. You’ve really made it in the afterlife when people start using your tomb as a benchmark for other tombs.
The Colossus of Rhodes
This giant statue of the Greek god Helios was apparently so impressive that it was considered a wonder of the world. Straddling the harbor of Rhodes, it stood over 100 feet tall, which was quite a feat considering it was made from bronze. According to legend, sailors could even sail through its giant legs. We can only assume they sang “I’m on a boat!” the whole way.
The Lighthouse of Alexandria
Last but not least, we have the Lighthouse of Alexandria. As its name suggests, it was a lighthouse, which guided ships into the harbor of Alexandria. It was no standard lighthouse, though, as it was over 400 feet tall and decorated with impressive statues. It’s pretty clear that the ancient Egyptians didn’t mess around when it came to lighting the way for their ships.
And that concludes our hilarious guide to the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World. Let’s be real, these constructions were truly impressive, but it never hurts to add a little humor to history.