William III of England

William III (also known as “King Billy” or “the Dutchman”) was the third monarch of the House of Orange to rule England. He is best known for his epic battles against the French, his love of expensive wigs, and his impressive collection of garden gnomes.

Born in The Hague, William was the only child of Prince William II and Mary, Princess Royal. He grew up in a palace filled with tulips, wooden shoes, and paintings of windmills. At the age of 21, he married his cousin, Mary, who was also his aunt, because who needs a gene pool anyway?

William and Mary were known for their love of pranks, often hiding in the palace gardens to scare unsuspecting guests. But their reign was not all fun and games. In 1688, they led the Glorious Revolution, which kicked out the unpopular King James II and brought the couple to the throne.

As king, William faced many challenges, including war with France. His victories at the Battle of Boyne and the Siege of Limerick earned him the nickname “King Billy.” He also became known for his extravagant wig collection, which he displayed in a special room in Kensington Palace. Rumor has it that his favorite wig, which was made entirely of beaver pelts, weighed over 10 pounds.

Despite his love of wigs and pranks, William was a serious gardener. He spent countless hours tending to his vast collection of plants and garden gnomes. He even wrote a book on gardening, which he titled “A Practical Guide to Growing Flowers and Outsmarting French Generals.”

William III died in 1702 after a riding accident. He was buried in Westminster Abbey with his beloved wig collection and garden gnomes by his side. Today, he is remembered as a king who loved life, loved gardening, and loved a good prank. Long live the Dutchman!