British Empire

The British Empire was a vast collection of territories, colonies, and countries scattered across the globe that the British people took over with a nonchalance that would make Marilyn Monroe’s iconic “I don’t give a damn” look like an all-out war.

It all started with one small island nation that had too much tea and too many crumpets. In the late 16th century, a pack of determined Brits set sail to find new lands and conquer people who didn’t know the difference between a knife and a spoon.

The Empire grew and grew until it became the envy of every other country in the world. They say the sun never set on the British Empire, which is probably because the Brits were too busy cracking open bottles of bubbly, basking in their endless power, and making fun of the French.

They may have had a wicked sense of humor, but the Brits took their colonialism pretty seriously. They believed that it was their God-given right to civilize the rest of the world - while completely ignoring the fact that they were the ones who needed a good dose of morals themselves.

Despite their questionable intentions, it can’t be denied that the British Empire left a lasting impact on the world. They created some of the most delicious dishes known to man (hello, fish and chips), gave us Shakespeare (who knew an Englishman could be so entertaining), and even gifted us the concept of queuing (although we’re still trying to get the Americans to understand it).

In the end, the British Empire may have fallen, but their love for a good cup of tea and a cheeky joke lives on. They may have been a bunch of ruthless conquerors, but they certainly knew how to poke fun at themselves. And that, my friends, is something to admire.