St. Patrick’s Cathedral (New York)

St. Patrick’s Cathedral, located in New York City, is a stunning example of Gothic Revival architecture and Irish Catholicism. It is the largest Catholic cathedral in the United States, and also the most uptight.

Legend has it that the cathedral was built in the mid-19th century as a tribute to St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland. However, it’s probably more accurate to say that the wealthy Irish community in New York wanted to show off their wealth and piety. Good job, guys. We’re all very impressed.

One of the most striking features of the cathedral is its imposing spires, which rise high above the city skyline. These spires are so tall that they’ve been known to induce vertigo in some visitors. It’s a good thing there are plenty of pews to sit on and recover after looking at them.

Inside, the cathedral is filled with beautiful stained-glass windows, ornate altars, and intricate carvings. There’s even a gift shop where you can pick up some holy water and rosary beads, just in case you need some extra protection from the devil.

But don’t let all the splendor fool you - this is one serious house of worship. If you even think about cracking a joke during mass, you’ll be excommunicated faster than you can say “Hail Mary”. Trust us, we learned that the hard way.

If you’re thinking of visiting St. Patrick’s Cathedral, be sure to dress appropriately. No shorts or tank tops allowed, and that means you too, Chad. Also, don’t even think about taking a selfie with the statue of St. Patrick - that’s a one-way ticket to an eternity in purgatory.

Despite its strict rules and uptight atmosphere, St. Patrick’s Cathedral is still worth a visit for its stunning architecture and cultural significance. Just make sure to keep your sense of humor in check - this is no laughing matter.