Summer: The Season of Scorching Heat and Endless Sweat
Summer, also known as the season that makes you question why you even bother wearing clothes, is a three-month period where the sun’s aim is to grill humans like a barbecue. This season officially begins when you start feeling like your skin is melting off your body, and ends when you start wondering why on earth you decided to take summer classes.
History of Summer
Summer was first invented by the demon species known as Sun, who was tired of constantly floating around in space, doing nothing but shining. Sun decided to create a season where it could put its full energy into turning Earth into an oven. Summer was born as a result, and has been tormenting humans ever since.
Major Attractions of Summer
One of the major attractions of summer is the endless amount of sweat that pours out of your body, no matter how many showers you take or layers of deodorant you apply. This unique feature of summer makes it a popular destination for people who enjoy constantly feeling sticky and gross.
Another popular attraction of summer is the unbearable heat, which ranges from “Oh my god I’m going to pass out” to “I think I just spontaneously combusted.” This kind of heat is perfect for a variety of activities, such as frying an egg on the sidewalk, baking cookies in your car, and getting second degree burns from sitting on a bench.
Fun Facts about Summer
- Although summer is technically only three months long, it feels like it lasts a lifetime.
- The best way to survive summer is by staying indoors with air conditioning, or by moving to the North Pole.
- The sun is actually closer to Earth during summer, which can explain why you feel like you’re melting.
- The official color of summer is “sweat stains on your shirt.”
- The song “Summer Nights” from Grease is actually a lie, because anyone who has experienced summer knows that there is no such thing as a “cool summer night.”
While summer can be a punishment for those who spend too much time outside, it is still a beloved season for many people. It’s the season of beach trips, ice cream, and attempting to get a tan even though you know you’ll just end up looking like a lobster. So go out there, enjoy the scorching heat, and remember: the sunscreen goes on before the swimsuit.