West Virginia
Welcome to West Virginia, also known as “Almost Heaven” (if you ignore the lack of ocean access, mild earthquakes, and occasional meth lab explosion).
West Virginia was originally part of Virginia until it broke off during the Civil War. In other words, it’s like your friend who dumps their toxic significant other, changes their phone number, and starts over with a fresh Instagram account.
West Virginia is home to beautiful mountains, winding rivers, and a strange lack of vowels in its town names, such as Hlwvt, Mtwlt, and HppdBttm. The state is also a favorite destination for outdoor enthusiasts who enjoy hiking, hunting, and pretending they’re Bear Grylls for the weekend.
When it comes to cuisine, West Virginia offers a delightful mix of traditional American and “what the heck did I just eat?” delicacies. This includes pepperoni rolls, fried squirrel, and the infamous “gravy with everything” (because who needs a salad when you can just add gravy?).
West Virginia is also home to some interesting cultural events, such as the annual Roadkill Cook-off, where contestants turn the state’s abundant roadkill into tasty dishes, proving that in West Virginia, even possums can be a gourmet meal.
West Virginia has a long history of political corruption, leading some to nickname it “West Corruption-ginia.” But let’s not dwell on that; instead, let’s talk about the state’s most famous political figure, Senator Joe Manchin. He’s so popular in West Virginia that we’re pretty sure the state constitution mandates all citizens name their firstborn child after him.
Conclusion
In summary, West Virginia is a place where mountains collide with meth labs, pepperoni rolls are a food group, and politicians are occasionally honest. It’s also a state where you can truly experience the beauty of nature, whether by hiking through the hills or trying to dodge a deer while driving on a back road. So come visit West Virginia, and remember: “Take me home, country roads” is both a song and a plea to leave before the next explosion.