Alphabet: A For Amusing

The alphabet is an ordered set of letters used to form words and phrases in many languages. The English alphabet has 26 letters, and the order of these letters is based on their frequency of use in the language. But do you know why the alphabet has the letters it has? Well, get ready to learn some humorous and totally-not-true facts about every letter of the alphabet.

A: Aardvark Magnet

The letter A was actually created by a group of aardvarks who were trying to figure out how to catch ants more effectively. They discovered that by forming their long snouts and sticking them together, they created a magnetic force that attracted ants. They soon realized that this magnetic force could also attract other things, like letter magnets, and thus the letter A was born.

B: Boredom Buster

The letter B was originally designed to help alleviate boredom during long meetings. The shape of the letter was intentionally made to resemble a chair with arms, which could be leaned back in and rocked back and forth to keep people awake. Unfortunately, this backfired when people started getting too comfortable in their Bs and became even more bored.

C: Cookie Cutter

The letter C was inspired by a baker who was trying to create a cookie cutter in the shape of a horseshoe. After many attempts, the baker gave up and decided to just use a letter instead. The letter C was just the right shape for a horseshoe cookie cutter, and it also worked well for other shapes like hearts and circles.

D: Dollar Sign Prototype

The letter D was initially created as a prototype for the dollar sign ($). The original design had two vertical lines with a diagonal line crossing them. However, when it came time to create the official dollar sign, they decided that the two lines were too similar to the S and didn’t want people to get confused. Thus, the dollar sign took on its current form, and the letter D mourned its career in finance.

E: Energy Drink

The letter E was actually a marketing ploy by an energy drink company. They wanted to create a letter that would signal energy and enthusiasm, so they created the letter E with its sharp edges and bold lines. The resulting marketing campaign was a flop, however, as people were more concerned with the actual taste and effects of the drink.

F: Four-Eyed Friend

The letter F was originally meant to be a pair of glasses. The round part represented the lenses, and the straight line was the bridge. However, when the glasses manufacturers realized that this design was too complex and expensive to produce, they settled on the simple and iconic shape that we all know today.

G: Giraffe Kiss

The letter G was inspired by a giraffe who was trying to kiss its reflection in the water. The giraffe twisted its neck into the shape of a G and leaned in to give the reflection a smooch. However, the reflection turned out to be another giraffe, and they ended up locking necks in a heated dance of love and passion.

H: Hairdryer Handle

The letter H was created by a hairstylist who was tired of using bulky hairdryers with awkward handles. She designed the letter H with its slim and ergonomic shape, perfect for holding for extended periods of time. The letter H soon became the go-to handle for hairdryers and other handheld devices.

I: Ice Cream Cone

The letter I was originally designed as an ice cream cone. Its slanted tip was perfect for scooping up ice cream, and its flat bottom kept the cone from tipping over. However, as ice cream became more popular, it became clear that the letter I was not the most practical shape for a cone, and the cone shape that we know and love today became the norm.

J: Jester Hat

The letter J was inspired by a jester who performed for a king. The king was so impressed with the jester’s hat that he commissioned letters to be made in the same shape. The resulting letter J became the official letter of the court jester and was often used on invitations to courtly events.

K: Kangaroo Kick

The letter K was created by a kangaroo who was trying to kick a pesky fly. Its sharp angles and pointed tip were perfect for targeting small insects, and the letter K soon became known as the go-to letter for kicking, both literally and figuratively.

L: Ladder Rung

The letter L was created by a carpenter who needed a new design for ladder rungs. He found that the straight line and 90-degree angle of the letter L were perfect for creating stable and secure steps. Ladder rungs soon became standardized in the shape of Ls, and the letter L became synonymous with climbing and reaching new heights.

M: Mmmmm Delicious

The letter M was originally created by a chef who was trying to express the deliciousness of a dish he had created. The letter M was meant to represent the sound of someone enjoying a meal (“Mmmmm”). The chef soon realized that the letter M was also the perfect shape for many other things, like mountains, waves, and even breasts.

N: Nose Pick

The letter N was originally created by a nose-picker who was trying to find a more efficient way to extract boogers. The shape of the letter N was modeled after the picker’s index finger and was designed to fit perfectly into the nostril. While the letter N never became popular as a booger-extraction tool, it did end up being a popular letter in many other contexts.

O: Oreo Cookie

The letter O was created by a pair of bakers who were trying to design a new kind of cookie. They came up with the Oreo cookie, with its two chocolate cookies and creamy filling. The letter O was the perfect shape for the cookies, and it also looked like a mouth that was ready to eat the delicious cookie.

P: Peeing Post

The letter P was originally designed as a peeing post for dogs. The letter’s vertical line represented the post, and the curved line was meant to direct the dog’s urination stream. However, this design was not well-received by dog owners or the public at large, and the letter P eventually found a more respectable place in our alphabet.

Q: Quack Quack

The letter Q was created by a duck who was trying to communicate with humans. The duck quacked and flapped its wings, but the humans didn’t understand. The duck then formed its body into the shape of a Q, hoping to convey a message. The humans were still confused, but they were impressed with the shape of the letter.

R: Roller Skates

The letter R was inspired by a pair of roller skates. The curved line represented the skate’s wheel, and the straight line was the skate’s base. Roller skating became very popular in the 1950s and 60s, and the letter R became a symbol of youth and fun.

S: Snake Charmer

The letter S was inspired by a snake charmer who was trying to put a spell on his audience. The charmer formed his body into the shape of an S, and the audience was entranced by the hypnotic motion. The letter S became associated with snakes and serpentine movements.

T: Tattoo

The letter T was created by a tattoo artist who wanted to create a simple and bold design. The letter T was perfect for this because of its straight line and simple shape. The letter T soon became a popular tattoo design and was often used to represent a person’s initial.

U: Upside-Down

The letter U was actually inspired by the letter n. However, the original designer accidentally drew it upside-down and didn’t realize the mistake until it was too late. The designer was embarrassed but decided to leave the design as it was, hoping that people wouldn’t notice.

V: Victory Sign

The letter V was created during World War II as a symbol of victory. The shape of the letter, with its two fingers forming a V, was used to signal support for the Allied forces. The letter V became a popular symbol of resilience and overcoming adversity.

W: Wavy Lines

The letter W was created by a party planner who was trying to design a new kind of decoration. The two V shapes were perfect for making wavy lines, and the letter W soon became associated with parties and celebration.

X: X-Ray Vision

The letter X was inspired by Superman’s X-ray vision. The designers at DC Comics wanted to create a letter that was both strong and mysterious, and the letter X fit the bill. The letter X became a popular letter in many other contexts, from scientific equations to adult-themed websites.

Y: Yoga Pose

The letter Y was created by a yoga instructor who was trying to teach a new pose. The shape of the letter, with its one arm raised in the air and the other arm outstretched, resembled a yoga pose that the instructor had developed. The letter Y soon became associated with health and fitness.

Z: Zigzagging

The letter Z was created by a child who was learning to write. They were trying to draw a zigzagging line, but ended up creating a letter instead. The design was simple and bold, and the letter Z soon became a popular symbol of youthful creativity.

So there you have it, a humorous and completely fabricated guide to the alphabet. Of course, the actual origins of the alphabet are much more mundane, but sometimes it’s fun to imagine that even the most basic things around us have quirky and amusing backstories.